mi(sual).com

By Sangzuala Hmar
Extract from the upcoming Lunglen JULY ISSUE, debuting on misual.com! July issue of Lunglen will hit newsstand shortly. Download PDF copy.

On top of the roof
The air is so cold and so calm
I say your name in silence
You don’t wanna hear it right now
The eyes of the city
Are counting the tears falling down
Each one a promise
Of everything you never found

I scream into the night for you
Don’t make it true
Don’t jump
The lights will not guide you through
They’re deceiving you
Don’t jump
Don’t let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don’t jump
- Don’t Jump, Tokio Hotel

Chawmhlawm ringawt, engmah zir chhuak tak tak si lo, hahthlak lutuk” tia ka pa tawngkam vin tak chu ka class kal tur min thlah liamtu a ni.

Kum hnih kaltaa ka nu in min boralsan atangin kan nun hi engtiklai mahin a nuam leh ngai tawh lo. Ka pa hauh bur ka ni a, ka pa hian ka nu thih chhanah min puh chu ka ti ngam chiah lo, mahse engemawchen mawh phur niin min ngai!
Class XII 1st division-ah ka pass ve a, ka nu nen hlim em emin Shillong kan pan dun a, college thaa admission hmuh ve ngei pawh kan in beisei, mahse Jowai khaw thlen hma lawkah tawhsual kan tawk a, ka nu nena kan suangtuahna zawng zawng chu tihtawp a ni, ka nu ka chan a, chumi rual chuan ka pa hmangaihna ka chan ta bawk ni hian ka inhre thin.

Shillong khawpuia beiseina ka neih zawng zawng chu engmah
lovah a chang a,Pachhunga University College chu ka beiseina neih chhun leh ka pa thinurna nitin maia zual zel ka tlanchhiat sanna hmun a ni ta.

Ka thiante chuan Maria hmel hi tha min tihpui ngai lo hrim hrim, mahse kei chuan amahah hian hahdamna ka hmu a, ka khawvel neih ve chhuna duat tak leh hmangaih taka min enkawltu awmchhun a ni, ka seilenna in, ka pa inah ka leng tawh lova, he nula kianga awm hi ka tan a hlu a, vanram tlafual pawh ti ila keimahah chuan a diklohna engmah a awm lo.

BSc chu ka zir ve zel a, Maria te hi Arts lam an nih avangin chhun chawlh leh off-period-ah bak ka hmu thei lo. Ni khata darkar khat hlimna ka hmuh chuan chu chu Maria bulah a ni a, chu hun chu ni khata darkar 24 chhunga hlimna hun ka hmuh ve chhun a ni.

Maria te chhungkua hi Zarkawt venga awm an ni a, chhungkaw awm thei tak an ni a, an veng chhungah pawh chhungkaw zahawm leh rual pawl thiam, Pathian tih mi chhungkua, hung em em mai an ni. Kan chhungkaw dinhmun hlim lo tak mai nena ka han tehkhin chang phei chuan he nula hi ka phu lo ngawih ngawih hian ka inhre thin. Ka tana a hlutna leh min hmangaihna chu ka tan engkim a ni a, min hmangaihna hi tuin emaw min lakbo sak tur anga ka inngaihtuah chang phei chuan he khawvelah hian ka tan dam ve reng a sawt tawh lovang ti hialin ka ngaihtuah thin.

Maria hi a naupantet atanga hrisello tak leh hmeichhe dawldang angreng tak a ni a, a chhungte pawhin keh thei dawm tak meuh meuhvin an dawm, mahse chuti chung chuan Maria hian kan chhungkuaa harsatna ka neih hriain kawng engkima min hnemtu zawk nih a chuh zel a, duat taka enkawl a, a tana bialpa ‘caring’ tak nih pawh ka tum ve fo, mahse ka khawvel hman chuan min tih tir thei si lo, min hrethiam tak chungin min dawm a, min hmangaih a, min khawngaih bawk a ni ber.

Kum khat zen zawn kan inzui ve tawh a, college a thiante pawhin ‘anni pahnih hi chuan tumah dang an mamawh lo’ ti te’n min sawi ve sap sap thin, ka hmangaih ngawih ngawih a, ani pawhin min hmangaih a ni tih ka chiang.
Hunrei tak kan inzui ve tawh avangin an ina len chang pawh a tam a, tha takin a chhungte pawhin min bia a, engmah harsatna kan nei dawn lo a nih hi tiin phu lovin inhre em em thin mah ila ka inhnem chawp ve zel thin. A nu leh pate ngat phei chu ka chungah an tha em em a, kan chhungkaw chanchin te min zawt a, ka nu in min boralsan tawh thute an hriat phei chuan min khawngaih ve hle te pawhin ka hre thin.

Mahse, nikhua a lo rei zel a, ka thiam tawka kan chhungkaw chanchin mawilo ka zepruk tang tang thin chu zep theih loh ni a thleng ta. Ka nu in min boralsan atanga ka pa khawsakdan bawraw tak mai chu anni tan hai reng chi a ni bik tlat lo alawm. Maria nu leh pa, chhungte hi ka dem thei lo, dem pha pawh ka ni bawk lo.

Maria chhungte min endan chu a ni telin a danglam chho tan ta, deusawh tak emaw, min duhlohna lantir engmah chu an nei lo, mahse min hlat tial tial hian ka hre thin, kei pawhin Maria te ina len chu a ni telin ka inthlahrung tual tual a, engemaw tak ni ah lo chuan Maria te in chu ka chuang kai ngai ta lo.

Maria nena kan inkarah engmah thu chhia a awm lova, mahse an chhungkaw boruak a hria tih ka chiang a, a hmaa min tihlim a, min dawmtu ber ni thin khan tunah chuan lungawi leh lawm takin a ti thei tawh bik lo.
A nu leh pate leh a unate’n an lo zilhna chu kei pawhin a dik ka ti lo thei lo, mahse ka chhiat vekna tur khawp zilhna a ni tih ka chiang tel. A hriselna dawrawm tak mai chuan a tuar a ni tih chu tuma hrilh ngai lovin a lang a, ka khawngaih a, kei pawh ka in khawngaih a ni.

Ka pa in nupui dang a neih leh atang phei chuan ka khawvel chu a chep zual a, ka nu mal chunga ngaihtha em ema ka mutthlukna thin kan chenna in ka tan hremhmun tluk zeta hrehawm a ni tawh. Ka pa lungleng hian nupui nei leh se a ziaawm mai ang tia kan unauva beiseina kan lo neih thin chu kar lovah ti beidawn a ni a, kan inchhung a hlim lo zual zel a, ka naute pahnih phei chu ka nu chhungte’n an in lama awm turin an lak hial a tul ta. Ka naute kianga kal ve chu ka chak a, mahse kan pathuma kan kal chuan ka nu chhungte tan phurrit kan ni dawn tih ka chiang si, chak lo leh hreh em em chungin ka pa kiangah chuan ka awm zui a ngai ta.

Ka nu thar chuan min lainat a, mahse min hmangaih tlat lo, ka pa in min hrawk khur khur a, kut min thlak changte pawhin a khaptu a ni a, mahse a khap apiangin kan pahnihin kan tuar tawh si thin. Ka nu tharin nau a pai ve atang phei chuan kei chu kan in chhungah chuan chhiahhlawh u tawk lek ka ni ta.

Ka inhnemna thin Maria lah chu ka lak atangin a hla ta tual tual emaw tih mai tur a ni tawh si. Min hmangaih thu min hrilh fo thin mah se a chhungte lam atanga nawrna chuan chu hmangaihna chu a chawk khawlo zo tawh.

Ka nun hrehawmna avanga khawvela ka hmeichhe hmangaih ber nun hrehawm ve chu ka phal lova, hetiang renga Maria-i rilru hrehawm lutuka ka dah chuan a hriselna a tlahniam zel ang a, min hmangaihna chu a chhiatpui vek dawn a ni tih ka hmu. Keimah lam ka inen chuan ka inkhawngaih a, ngaihtuahna chhe pui pui thlengin ka nei lo thei lo. Thutlukna ka siam a ngai. Pachhunga University College library thlang maia Boys Hostel chu kan thutna atang chuan a lang chiang hle a, thingkung sang tak taka sava hram ri neuh neuhte chu lungngaihna nei hauh lova ngaihthlak tur chu nise a aia nuam a awm chuangin ka ring lo.

Helai hmun hi Maria nena kan inkawmna thin a ni, a sam ngil tak sin sang mai, thli beng zawnga darh siau siau kara a mitmeng duhawm tak ka thlir vawng vawngna thin a ni. Ka kiangah a thu a, minute 15 zet kan thu dun tawh a, engmah Maria hian a sawi lo. He khawvela ka vanduaina tawh chu Maria hian tawk ve se ka duh lova, ka phal lo, chuvanga kan inkar thu tihtawp tum chu ka ni. Ka hmangaih a nih chuan Maria hi ka then a ngai, ka then loh chuan ka khawvel hrehawm lutukah chuan ka hnuk lut dawn si. He khawvelah hi chuan hmangaihtu hian hmangaihte tan an tawrh a tul thin tih fakna hla chu a dik duh kher mai.

“Heti kher kher a ngai a mi, ka inhuam a, tawrh a tul a nih pawhin ka tuar anga a ni mai alawm”

“Maria, ka tawrhna hi min hriatthiam pui a, ka lawm, mahse i tawrh ve ka phal lo a ni, chuvangin, i chhungte duh anga kan inthen mai hi a tul, i chhungte hian i tan thu tha an hrilh che, kei chuan ka duh che, ka tawrh ang tawrh ve i huam thu i sawite kha ka damchhungin ka theihnghilh ngai tawh lovang, mahse Maria, i tawrh ve atan chuan a rapthlak lutuk, heti zawng hian a tha zawk.”

“Ka chhungte nun a ni lo, keima nun a nia, ka inhuam phawt te chuan…”

Maria min hmangaihna ka tana a hlutzia chu sawi chhuah thiam chi a ni lova, a theih bawk loh. Engkim ka tan a huam a, ka tana a inhuamna pawh pawm ngam lo tura ka huaisenna heti tak maia ka nun beidawnna leh ka hrehmawmna in a hneh chu ka thin a rim a, sawi tur ka hre tawh lo, Maria chu ka en, a kut ka vuan a, ka theih tawpa nghetin ka pawm a, a inhnit fap fap a.

Ka rilruah engkim a lut a, ka hrehawmna min tawrhpui tura a inhuam phawt chuan te ka’n ti ren rawn thin, mahse engmah chu engmah a ni lo, engmahlo mai vek a ni. Hrehawm tuar ve tur ringawta Maria inhuamna pawm chu ka rilruah a hmin thei lo.

Khawvel nun hrehawm lutuk chu chhuahsan a, ka nu kianga awm ka thlahlel a ni.
Chiang takin min en a. “Mawh…” tiin min ngen a. Thutlukna nghet leh che tawh lo tur ka siam a hun.
Sawi tur ka nei tawh lo, ka sawi tur chu ka ka atangin a chhuak thei tawh lo, min hmangaihtu Maria biang chu ka chul a, a chal ah zawitein ka fawp a.
“Maria, ka nu kha la dam sela chuan heti mai hi chuan kan awm bik lovang mawle, he khawvelah hian Pathian hian tih tur nei vekin min dah, ka rilru leh ka theihna zawng zawnga hmangaih tur chein Pathian hian he khawvelah hian min dah tih ka chiang, he khawvela i tana ka hmangaihna ka lantir theihna awmchhun chu ka kalsan che hi a ni, Maria…”

Maria chuan min hnungchhawn san a, college gate lam panna kawng chhovah chuan muang changin a kal a, a kal liam thlengin ka thlir a. Ka rilru a bing mum mum a, ka thinlung chu a puak mai dawn nia hriatna te ka nei, min hmangaihtu ka nu in min kalsan a, he khawvela min hmangaihtu, kei pawhin ka hmangaih Maria chuan min kalsan leh ta, chhawktu ka mamawh a, ka rilru tawt lutuk tih thawvenna ka mamawh a ni.

“Mama, kan neih ve ang chhun chhunin i lehkha zirna tur kan ngaihtuah a, theihtawp i chhuah ang a, fapa PG degree nei ka duh ve tih ka hrilh tawh che a, i laka ka beiseina neih hi i ti hlawhtling ngei ang tih ka ring tlat a ni”

tia ka nu in Kolasib-a zanriah kan ei khama min chah mawlh mawlh te ka hre chhuak a, ka nu beiseina chu tihhlawhtlin ka duh, ka duh lutuk, mahse…
Zan dar 1:00 a ri tawh a, ka khum pindanah ka thu a, ka rilru hah damna tura ka thianpain ‘grass’ a tih mai min pek pawh chu ka khum kianga dawhkanah chuan ka dah a, ka rilru na chhawk thei a awm chuanga ka rin loh avangin a khawih pawh ka la khawih lo.

Mihringin he khawvelah hian beiseina a neih tawh loh chuan he khawvela a awm ve reng na chhan tur a awm lo tihte chu ka rilruah a fiah em em mai.
Min siamtu Pathian hian he khawvelah hian tihtur neiin min dah tih ka ring a, ka tihtura a dah zawng zawng chu kei chuan ka ti zo tawhin ka hria.

Hmangaihtu min pe, mahnia in ngaihtuah ve thei ka nih tawh hnuah hmangaihtu min pek ka nu min lak sak a, Maria min pe leh a, a tawp thlenga hmangaih turin min duh. A tawp thlengin Maria chu ka hmangaih a, ka rilruin mu leh mal a neih tawh loh thlengin ka hmangaih a ni.

Ka khum kianga CD player hlui tawh tak awm chu ka tihtur hre lo chuan ka zaitir a, Tokio Hotel hla Don’t Jump chu a rawn zai chiah a. Bill Kaulitz-a aw ka hre lo niin ka inhria a, Bill-a aw nia ka hriat thin chu Maria aw a ni daih…

On top of the roof
The air is so cold and so calm
I say your name in silence
You don’t wanna hear it right now
The eyes of the city
Are counting the tears falling down
Each one a promise
Of everything you never found

I scream into the night for you
Don’t make it true
Don’t jump
The lights will not guide you through
They’re deceiving you
Don’t jump
Don’t let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don’t jump

Ka ngaihtuahnain Maria chu ka chhang mawlh mawlh a…

“Maria, he khawvela i tana ka tih theih chu ka ti kim vek tawh e, ka hmangaih che a, ka hrehawmna tawh ang i tawh ve loh nan ka hmangaih luat avang chein ka then che a, chu chu he khawvela ka dam chhan a ni, min hmangaihna leh min enkawl tawhnate ka ngaihin ka tana i hlutzia ka hre thar zel thin, mahse Maria, kei chuan he khawvela Pathianin min dahna chhan chu kei chuan ka ti hlawhtling tawh, beisei tur ka nei tawh lova, hmangaihtu ka zawng tawh lo, ka inpeih tawh a, lo la awm tura ruat hmunah chuan hrehawmna a awm tawh lovang, Maria, ka chunga i thatna zawng zawng hi ka rul seng lo che tih ka hria, Maria, chuvang chuan alawm, a tawp thlengin ka hmangaih che…”

Ka kianga ka thianpain min pek chu ka la, ka zu a, ka ngaihtuahna a kal bing zual zel a, ka nu kianga awm hlan ka nghakhlel zual a.

“Bawiha, he khawvela Pathianin min dah chhan kan tihhlawhtlin hunah chuan hrehawmna awm tawh lohna hmunah kan kal thin, chu hmunah chuan mi thar kan ni tawh ang a, lungngaihna reng reng a awm tawh ngai lovang.”

Don’t Jump hla chu khawihbuai hauh lovin a zai zel a, Maria chuan a theihtawp a chhuah a, min au lawm lawm a…

Just take my hand
Give it a chance
Don’t jump

I scream into the night for you
Don’t make it true
Don’t jump
The lights will not guide you through
They’re deceiving you
Don’t jump
Don’t let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don’t jump
Don’t jump
And if all that can’t hold you back
I’ll jump for you

He khawvelah hian Maria hi Pathianin min enkawl tura a ruat a ni, chutih rual rualin Maria hi Pathianin a tawp thlenga ka hmangaih tura a ruat a ni, ka tana a inhuamna pawh ka hai lo, “And if all that can’t hold you back, I’ll jump for you” Maria chu ka tana inhlan tura ruat a ni lo, keimah zawk hi ama tana inhlan tura ruat a ni.

“Ka nu, kan tana hmun ruatsa min hrilh thin kha ka hmuhpui ve tawh che asin, he khawvela ka tihtur ka ti zo tawh a, min hmangaihtu tan ka hmangaihna ka hlan a, ika kianga i sawi thin hrehmawna awm tawh ngai lohna ram chu ka thlahlel a, i kianga chu rama awm chu ka duh a ni.”

BSc, Zoology Department class kawtah Maria kut chu ka hum a, a hma zana an in atanga ka haw dawna kan ‘good night chooks’ lai a nu lo chhuakin min hmuh hman teuhzia kan sawi a, kan nui a, kan hlim kher mai.
Engemawni hi a rawn phe zuai a, ka pa chuan tawngkam chhe pui puiin min hrawk a, ka thinrim tawt lutuk chu in atangin ka tlan chhuak a.

“Kha hei hi ei rawh, Mama, i ril a tam ang, Kolasib-ah chauh a nia chaw kan ei dawn, motor ruih lohna damdawi kha i ei tiraw? Shillong-a kan thlenna tur i pi te in kan phone lawk ang e,” tiin ka nu chuan min be mawlh mawlh a.
Ka kiangah ka nau, ka nute-i te ina awm chu a lo kal a, “U Mam, first term kan exam a, kan class-ah ka ti tha ber asin,” tiin lawm em emin an result min hrilh a.

Mahminga room-ah kan awm a, duhthawh em emin Maria chu ka fawp a, mipa ka ni a, a phalloh thleng thlen ka tum. “I mak em mai, ka duhlo tih i hriat reng tawh kha, kan inneih huna ka pek tur che a ni tih kan sawi vek tawh kha, thildang engkim ka pe che a, hei pawh hi i ta a ni a, mahse kan inneih hunah chauh i nei thei ang ka tih tawh kha,” tih pahin ka kut a paihthla a.

Ka pindan chunga thing inkham chu a chik that a, hruizen hrual thap tak chu a mar tang a. A inthen nalh nalh a, ka hrawk chu a ri deuh bawrh bawrh a, ring taka au ka tum a, mahse ka thei tawh lo. Maria chuan min rawn au lawm lawm a. Ka kal liam zui ta a.

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