New Office Regulations ( an sitrik thlap thlap asin )
Due to focus on overtime and expense control during this period, it has become necessary to put into effect immediately the following rules and procedures:
No excuse. The Company will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof. It you are able to go to a doctor, you are able to attend work.
2) Death (Your Own)
This will be accepted as an excuse. We would like two weeks’ notice, since we feel that it is your duty to train someone else for your job, as a back-up.
3) Death (Other Than Your Own)
This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them, and henceforth no time will be allowed for funerals. However, in case of hardships, the Company has a special scheme, in conjunction with the local cemetery, for lunch-time burials, thus ensuring that no time is lost from work.
4) Leave Of Absence For Operation
No time off will be allowed for an operation. The Company believes that as long as you are an employee, you will need all of whatever parts you already have, and will not consider having any of it removed. We have engaged you for a particular job,with all your parts, and to have anything removed would mean that the Company is getting less than what it is contracted for.
5) Visits To The Toilet
Far too much time on this particular practice. In future, all staff members will go in alphabetical order. All surnames beginning with “A” will go from 9:45 am to 10:00 am. Those beginning with “B” will go from 10:05 am to 10:20 am, and so on. Anyone unable to attend at the appropriate times will have to wait until the following day for their turn to come around.
DEFINITION – “Staff Members” are those who have all the time in the world to read this memo, but no time to work!