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I was 17 when I saw you for the first time! My friends said go and ask her out but i don’t have the courage to do that. We passed out our school i was searching for college the day you feel that you liked me was the day i shone. But in what circumstances does that happen I thought you were my future wife!. I left you because i wanted you to be happy!. After all i don’t want to make you heart broken and you don’t know me who I am!!.

Since i was a childhood i have that feelings, people may tease me i was not that affectionate that time. In middle school the feelings became more and more! I was in high school and i had that dream the dream that i can have that chance!. I moved to the city when i was 16 i was alone yet the feeling is still same.! Now i’m 21 i am still afraid and confused. During the day i talked to you i was not fully concentrated on you I cannot really appreciate the beauty of woman because… i like men!!.

I was 18 and He said “I was standing All alone against the world outside You were searching For a place to hide Lost and lonely Now you’ve given me the will to survive When we’re hungry, love will keep us alive Don’t you worry Sometimes you’ve just gotta let it ride The world is changing Right before your eyes Now I’ve found you There’s no more emptiness inside  I would die for you Climb the highest mountain Baby, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do Now I’ve found you There’s no more emptiness inside When we’re hungry, love will keep us alive”

Mom!! Dad!! how can i tell you!! i don’t want any of you to cry!! Even if i have to die i will. sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out I laugh myself to sleep it’s my lullaby, sometimes I drive so fast just to feel the danger I wanna scream it makes me feel alive. Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed Is it enough to die? somebody save my life I’d rather be anything but ordinary please. To walk within the lines would make my life so boring I want to know that I have been to the extreme So knock me off my feet come on now give it to me anything to make me feel alive.

Bro, you were right when you cried out the fact of me. Mom Dad!! even thought you have no clue it was true!. I have a boyfriend when i entered to college, he was the one whom i share all my feeling. Dad!! he was the only one who can comfort me in this word. I believe that God gave me!! When you were laughing in the sitting room i was crying myself under the blanket.You were talking about bro’s girlfriend and ask me whether i had or not; but i hurts me deep inside i was crying! No one knows my feelings, i have you my family but i am alone in this world.

I told him “When you’re on a golden sea You don’t need no memory Just a place to call your own As we drift into the zone On an island in the sun We’ll be playing and having fun And it makes me feel so fine I can’t control my brain We’ll run away together We’ll spend some time forever We’ll never feel bad anymore.”

Back in my parents’ house, back to the shouting out loud, one day you’ll be a man one day you’ll understand. I want to pull it apart and put it back together. I want to relive all my adolescent dreams inspired by true events on movie screens. I am a one man wrecking machine. Here in the present tense nothing is making sense waiting for my moment to come everything has come undone.

I built a time machine I’m going to see the homecoming queen take her to the Christmas dance maybe now I’ll get in her pants whatever. Back with my high school friends meeting where the train tracks end passing round a skinny joint rolling up to Lookout Point.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 23rd, 2014 at 11:29 am and is filed under More than words. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.