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I was shocked.

When you told me that you like her more than I, I was shocked. I could not think of anything she could have done to win over your heart. Because I know myself how much I tried. And then I realized I cannot win in this game.

Maybe I was selfish.

At dawn, I thought about it clearly. I could think because I was not crying anymore. Maybe I was selfish. I was not letting you go to the person whom you loved. I was the obstacle right there, blocking your way. If I cannot have the person I love, then at least the person whom I love should have the one he loves. Right?

I wanted to let you go.

I love you only for 7 months and you have loved her for more than a year. Maybe I should sacrifice so I wanted to let you go to her. This could be the best way to solve our problem yet it will take a year to forget our lingering memories. I prayed. I did not get the answer.

But we were happy.

I found myself having a lovely time with you over the weekend. One will not believe us that we have such a big problem. I realized if we try, we can still make a better relationship. And i know it just needs a little time. I want it to grow like a beautiful wild flower but for that we need to water it from time to time.

I was scared to hate you.

You have hurt me. That’s for sure and i don’t know when I will be back to normal. And when you asked me whether I want to come back to You, I was confused. But the answer can be ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Looks simple but it is not. If I say ‘no’ then I am going hate you for the rest of my life, which is the last thing I ever wanted to do. But if I say ‘yes’, I will take time to love you like before. But I finally made my decision and I will stick to it no matter what.

Wrong decision?

And then suddenly I realised myself hearing a rude and an unlovely voice coming from the other end of the line. And I was crying uncontrollably. Was my decision wrong? ‘Oh God! Another big mistake!!’. But I promised I will not change it anymore. If I have to suffer I will, till you throw me completely out of your life.

The answer.

So I stayed awake late night, thinking what I should do about this. I prayed twice before I slept. When I got up in the morning, the first song that came to my mind was, “Hrehawmna i chungah lo thlen fo se la, ‘ka thatna tur a nih hi’ tiin ngai la” and then I keep singing the song. I stopped when I sang the other verse, “Mihring siam that nan khawdur a ngai a ni.” I could feel my tears coming out of my eyes.

We were too compatible in my ways to let go our relationship so this problem is a sign and a plan from above to rebuild and mold us in exactly the way we should be. I wanted to accept this fact now. You sacrificed for me leaving her and I chose to stay with you. Let’s stick to our decision and keep praying. Maybe we’ll find the answer.

Written by an undisclosed author. Slightly modified from it’s original form.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 8th, 2008 at 11:01 am and is filed under The UnWeekly. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.