Fragments of my memories
That Night
That night… four years ago…when my brother slit his wrists. I remember most of it. I’d never tried to erase it. I don’t think I would be able to anyway, even if I wanted to. It was around eleven and my brother and I had been watching this Korean movie called My Sassy Girl on the computer. After a while, I decided to hit the sack. I got up and went to the bedroom. I had no idea that he would do what he would be doing the horrible thing he did after I left him. If it had showed on his face, I must have not seen it.
It was like just another typical night. Although our little family had been a little depressed due to his drug abuse. Other than that, things didn’t seem out of the ordinary. A few minutes later after I tucked myself in next to mom who was reading the newspaper, we heard a thud. Since the wall that separated us was just plywood, you could hear pretty much everything that goes on in the living room. My mother sat straight up while I ignored it and assumed that he must have just shifted his chair. Mom put on her slippers and went to go and check on him.
My brother had overdosed twice before. Both the times, I was not there. One was when I was away at Kolkatta on a school excursion trip and mom didn’t want to tell me, of course fearing that I’d be too worried and there was no point in it anyway. I was in the seventh grade.The second time, I was away on a school study camp. Tenth grade.
Because of these, whenever she hears a thud or something, it always panics her. And then I heard her say,’Oi!!!!(name not revealed)!!!!’. I bolted out of the bedroom and saw my brother lying in a pool of blood and my mother trying to wake him up. First thing that came to me was to run up and wake them up. Them, my uncle and his family. I ran up the steps barefoot and banged on their door. When they opened, I wasn’t really able to say it. I didn’t know how. I think I told them my brother tried to kill himself.
They all rushed down and followed and they all stared. In shock. Specially my uncle, the eldest of mom’s siblings. He just stood and stared down at my brother and his blood. I think he was just too shocked! He was frozen at his spot. With cloths tied on his wrists, we rushed to the hospital. I wanted to go with them. There was no way I was going to stay and wait at home. My mom, my brother, two of the uncle and his son and another uncle (youngest of mom’s siblings) were on the way to the hospital. My brother was barely awake. Mom kept talking to him to keep him awake. My other uncle and I sat quietly while on the other hand, the uncle and his son talked all the way. I guess they were just trying to encourage my brother but what they said wasn’t exactly what they were supposed to say… I thought. So did mom and the other uncle the next day.
They were saying things like,”You’re such a coward!! If you wanted to kill yourself you should have done it on your neck!!”. Oh my God….that wasn’t helping was it…I just…it just really hit me now… But the whole ride, they were saying things like that. I felt really bad for my brother. I thought they were really embarrassing him too. I should have spoken up and maybe tell them to shut the hell up. Really, they were not helping!! I waited outside while my brother was stitched up. The doctor said that he was lucky that he didn’t cut too deep but the vein on the other hand a little bit bruised but not deep. After a few hours, we headed back home.
I had to clean the pool of blood and I did. It had started to dry up so I had to make the cloth wet. Nobody, even the aunts insisted on doing it. Not that I was expecting them to. I guess they were all pretty much freaked out. And then later, grandma said a few words and a prayer and then everyone left after a few minutes. My mother must have been so scared to death. How did she do it I will never know. I’ve told you before, she’s my SUPERMOM. Superman can’t handle all of this. That’s what I meant when I called her my Supermom.
The following days, I would take my brother to the hospital to get his wounds taken care of by the nurses and doctors. I felt like the big sister in those days, taking care of my brother and I had never loved him so much with so much compassion than I did in those days. Time went by and we all moved on. What’s there to do anyway, if not moving forward. I think we told dad but I can’t remember him coming up personally and visiting us. I’m not sure. I’d like to think he did. I’ll ask mom later…if it’s not too bad to bring up the topic. If I’m not able to, I’m sure he came to visit.. He isn’t the type to show affection anyway. He must have been scared too. Mom always told me he could never handle pressure and that he panics easily. Don’t hate my dad. He loves us in his own way.
I remember my brother used to tell me,”Ka thi ve theilo”, and that he had tried several times beofre. What a horrible thing to hear for a little sister…
But God saved my brother, yet again…I will never forget that night. For as long as I live.
February 27th, 2011 at 12:24 am
Comment zuai teh ang. Uluk taka ka chhiar loh chuan ka hrethiam lo tawp ang!
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February 27th, 2011 at 12:26 am
A ngaihnawm in mi a khawih reuh tlat, mizo tawng thiam I in tih vakloh vanga English-a ziak i nih chuan ziak zel teh khai. Mizo mi pa, in ti Pa, luhlul lutuk thin hi chu a va han buaithlak thin em. I u naupa chu a that chhoh zel ka duhsak che.
Thil pakhat,
”You’re such a coward!! If you wanted to kill yourself you should have done it on your neck!!”. tih khi ka run hle mai, Mizo in la Pa tak sawi a nih hmel ka ti.
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February 27th, 2011 at 12:38 am
tha hle mai… ”Ka thi ve theilo” tiha mizotawng i hmang hi fuh tawp….
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February 27th, 2011 at 1:05 am
Tun ang hun ah chuan duhlian tawng lo chu ka bah nuaih tawh kei pawh!
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February 27th, 2011 at 1:06 am
ngaihnawn khawp mai…i unaupa chu lo thra zel rawh se…
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February 27th, 2011 at 1:10 am
ngaihnawm. mahse thisuk ka neia, ka tih chi vak lo
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February 27th, 2011 at 1:11 am
….and yet remember….for HE gave HIS life for your brother and yourself….and yet for me too…and yet for all of us!!
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February 27th, 2011 at 1:22 am
A va mak ngai ve, mahni fate chutiang lai a hnem a hnekin….!!
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February 27th, 2011 at 2:14 am
Sawi tur ka van van ve aw…pen hmanga i thinlung phurrit leihbuak chu i thiam mang e, a chhiar a nuam thla par par hle mai, ulh lai a awm mang miah lo. A chhung thu ah erawh chuan…Why…oh..Why… what blunder is committed again and again by the parents that innocent kids are the victims….
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February 27th, 2011 at 2:17 am
Even a dog needs love and care. You did the right thing when everybody else threatens him, kind of! Reminds me of my dad who died 4 years back due to excessive drinking. Time goes on and on and even today, I can’t stop blaming myself and my family for not showing the love he needs when he was fighting against that addiction; and that we abandoned him to be as he was! Lungleng takin a liam ta! :Sob:
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February 27th, 2011 at 2:34 am
A nih tak hi maw le nia mahni intihhlum duh rau rau chuan nghawng a han in khai chu awlsam tak a nih hmel hle.Nia pa tak a duh na na chu a zilhna chu dik a lom.
Chu ai mah chuan intih hlum pawi zia hrih zek awm zawk.
Sappui mingo tawng i thiam hi ka lawmpui che .mahseng duhlian Mizo tawng i thiam anih chuan duhthusam .
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February 27th, 2011 at 2:37 am
Sap ṭawnga ziah hian a ril mah zawk ka ti. Mizo ṭawnga hemi tlukpui ziak tur chuan ṭawngkam thiam a ngai ngawt ang. ka thiam teuh lo
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February 27th, 2011 at 2:54 am
@Hmingtea
Ka thlawp zawng tak ani mizo tawng hman hram hram i tih kha ( mi pakhat pawh hrethiam lo an awm ai chuan ). Mizo tan chuan rilru khawih tur a ziah thiam a har leh har loh lamah chuan duhlian tawng ngei chuan rilru hneh tur a ziah chu a awl zawk ngei ang ( saptawng hman ka sawiselna lam nilovin ).
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February 27th, 2011 at 3:27 am
@ Fugitive
I comment hian min hneh khawp mai. Hetiang hi a thleng fo reng asin. Duh reng vang nilo hian ruihtheih thil bawih ah hian a tan laklawh theih a. Tha en (endawng ?) mai lovin theihtawp a hmangaihna nen tanpui a enkawl hi an mamawh ngawih ngawih ani. Tin, hmangaihna lantir hian endawng ai chuan rah tha a chhuah zawk ngei ngei zawk bawk. Chuvangin kan inchhir loh nan a tlai hma in midang te tan malsawmna nih i tum theuh ang u.
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February 27th, 2011 at 4:28 am
Mihring hmangaihna leh Pathian hmangaihna in anloh zia hi….
Mihringte chuan kan fa te kan hmangaihnaah kan duata an sual tulh tulh, Pathian erawh chuan min hmangaihnaah min thununa kan tha tulh tulh.
@huManOid i unaupa i hmangaihna pawh chu Pathian duhzawng a ni meuh angem? Khawngaihna leh Hmangaihna hi a in anglo teh a nia, i hmangaih ni a i hriatna kha a thatpuiloh chuan i khawngaihna ani lek fang zawk lawng maw. Pathian atanga chhuak hmangaihna lo chu a tlo lo a nia.
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February 27th, 2011 at 4:33 am
Drug addict ho hian an sim thei a, sim thei lo leh natna ang hial a sawitu te hi a addict ve lo te kan ni a, kan inzirtir dan leh kan inti fing lutuk hi a pawi mah mah anih hi..sim theih loh engmah a awm lo..an sual tukhum pawn vang mai mai ani..!!
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February 27th, 2011 at 4:37 am
lrp #16 a dik lutuk. Ka hriat ngei2 te pawh an sim duhna (anaga lan) avangin vairampurah an thisen te an zuk thlak vel, an ti leh tho a, a then chuan an thih pui leh tho bawk a. Chaw leh tui chiah hi nghei theih loh a ni, nghei chu thihna a ni mai.
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February 27th, 2011 at 4:46 am
Khawngaihna leh Hmangaihna ka sawi ta sa sa, Khawngaihna hi chu a huatthlala awm ngailoa Hmangaihna(Real love) erawh hi chu huatthlala awm thei viau a ni. Siamthat ngai kan nih avangin Hmangaihna chuan min siamthat a tum reng a kan mizia nen a inmilloh avangin kan hua a, Khawngaihna erawh chuan min ngaihnathiam zel avangin kan thiltih thalo pawh sim mai loin kan uar tulh2 zawk fo thin a lo ni e….
Mangtha vek u
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February 27th, 2011 at 4:50 am
@Pu HV..nia..drug nghei avanga thi ka la hre lo.
He post hi a tha e, tha lo e chu ka ti lo, a englaiber kha nge ‘that night’ han tih chhan em em tur..
Big Bother..nikum a telve pa Indian pa pawh kha an knock-out hnuah TV-ah a chetdan vel kha an enlet khan a zak lutuk nge a ban a zai ve ringawt pek a..a thi lo.
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February 27th, 2011 at 7:34 am
Superlike…ziak tha hle mai
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February 27th, 2011 at 1:19 pm
A hrehom dan tur chu ka hriatpui khop mai che. I soi lang lo hrim2 nge le aww, suicide tum te hian chhanchhuah an nih hian han inchhir ve thrn mahse, hun a lo rei a, depression attack a lo thlen leh hian an tum leh mai thrin, a hma aia nasa zok lehnghal in. Psychologist thiam tak in enkawl se a va thra em….
_____________________
Moral of the story : Do not watch korean movies.
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February 27th, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Dictionary nen ka chhiar chhuak ta dap mai
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February 27th, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Lalpangti! k va oih lo tak!
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February 27th, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Lal Rem, ani lawm le
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February 27th, 2011 at 1:45 pm
HuManOid, i ziak ngaihnawm e! Ka ngaihdan kan sawi ve mai mai teh ang! Enga tinge miin English a an post hi helh pawl an awm ve ziah le? An duh leh English in post sela, a duh in Mizo in post sela, English a post chhiar duh lo chuan chhiar lo mai se, comment ve lo mai se! A post tu thu thu ani mai lo em ni? Mizo tawng hi thiam tan chuan ngaihnawm em em in an ziak thei! Mahse, thenkhat hi chuan a Mizo tawng leh ziak thiam tho mahse, English a ziah tlukin an ziak thiam ve lo ani thei! Hei hi chu hrethiam tlang hram hram ila a that ka ring! Ka lawm e!
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February 27th, 2011 at 2:20 pm
#25, Maisek, dik ngoih2..
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February 27th, 2011 at 3:54 pm
Ka u chu a tra. Kum 4 ka tia kum 5 kal ta zok kha ni zok e.
fapa a nei ve toh a. nupui hmeltha tak nen.kan chhungkua poh 5 kan ni ve toh
ka vahpa hmning chu Jaden Vanlalhmangaiha a nia:)
Sap hming kher in ti leh om sia!…
nia…kan chhungkua/cousins hrim hrim ah sap hming nei kan om lo a ka phuah ve duh mai2 a…karate kid-a vang ni kher lo e:)mahse nalh chu ka ti hrim hrim a Jaden tih hi.
Jaden omzia hi “heard by God” tihna nia.sap hming han ti ila…Hebrai hming a ni mah zok a.sap hming satliah ka phuah duhlo bok a.omzia nei se ka duh a.
Vanlalhmangaiha tih hi ka nu phuah a nnia, a pa(ka u) Pathianin a hmangaih zia leh kan trongtraina te a ngaihthlak reng zia denchhana kan phuah ve ve a ni e
chuan loks, love leh compassion ka tih kha tu emo khan a danglam teh ania a ron ti a…ka rilru chhungril a hrethiam lo a niang e.ka u kha ka lainatin ka hmangiah hluah hluah a, hun dnag ang ngai reng2 lovein. ka hmangaih trin ai khan ka hmangaih leh zual ka tihna lam a ni mah zok…soi thiam teh duah love a and i don’t need to explain it what the heck!
also, i still think my cousin and his dad were stupid!!!they had no idea what my brother was going through!neither did mom and i. yeah he caused us tears and pain but he hated himself like hell for that.he just wanted to end it all for everyone.that’s why,i believe, he did what he did.
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February 27th, 2011 at 4:14 pm
@humanoid, agreed with everything u say
keep writing.
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February 27th, 2011 at 4:42 pm
@ 19 “a englaiber kha nge ‘that night’ han tih chhan em em tur..” are you kidding me??!!seriously??????
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February 28th, 2011 at 1:28 pm
@ humanoid… I va huai ve
..’Keep on walking’ to you and your family 
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February 28th, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Very well written, humanoid. Clear, crisp and good flow. Ever thought about starting a blog? (that is, if you don’t have one already…)
@ maisek comment #25 – like
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February 28th, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Life without Parents could be quite complicated. I’d do and say the same thing what your Uncle said, or I might even kill him myself. It’s such a cowardice to try and kill yourself by cutting your wrist. The fact that he wasn’t really ready to die. He just wanted to freak the hell out of everyone, and there will be still a chance to save him. He should have done it on his neck. Anyway it’s such a cowardice to try and commit suicide. I pity those people who are scared to live their own life. We all have our own version of stories and struggles. Not that I’m stronger than your brother, I have a will to move on. If your brother was put in my place, he’d no longer be alive. No one ever feed me since I was 18, I earn my living. I never have a Home since then. But I keep on climbing…
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